Converting Christina

Nosy Bitch

2005-07-01T01:20:00.000-07:00

Fuck!

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Christina has been using my computer, so I tried not to have this page in my "history". What a nosy bitch!

There are comments from girls to the effect that I should just ask her. What's the fun in that???

Think about it, if you were to have sex with a guy, would you rather he put some effort in foreplay or just stick it in???

I rest my case.

Anyway, going to an end of year party with Christina tonight. I wanted to invite Kristy too so that they will be in the same room together. But I am not sucidial.

Yet ...

My Ode to Christina

2005-06-18T01:29:00.000-07:00

Most people are happy just to find and keep one
and you see some people in love that think they have won
But me, i am not happy unless i have you and at least another
believe me it will be an experience like no other!

Comeon baby comeon please
there is definitely room for three
You are my love and the only one that i want
but i can't resist the look of that blonde

Call it sleazy, call it unreal
but there's something about three that seems ideal
Not that i don't love you, not that i don't care
but i need three like i need air

It will be thrilling, it will be fun
to go hunting together as one
like therma and louise on their famous adventure
bringing home another will be our own joint venture

Spice up our lives, strengthen our love
once its over, we will give her the SHOVE
no need to worry, our bond will never be destroyed
as i only want the third to be our toy
cause you are everything i imagine a girl to be
so baby will you please agree???

Heaven

2005-06-12T17:58:00.000-07:00

I am in HEAVEN.

Feels so good. You know when you are on a good thing and you feel like you can never tire from feeling it? Like eating your favourite food, and how you cannot get enough of it, the more you eat, the more you want to eat. You develop this hunger and craving for it and when you get it you feel this release and everything is happy.

Christina bought me a massage chair today, and I am in heaven.

She is so sweet. She messaged me in the afternoon saying she has something that I have always wanted. To be honest the first thing that entered my mind as she was lying in bed with Kristy and longing for me to join them.

But that was not to be. I turned up at her house on Friday night. She cooked this awesome meal for me, with candles, flowers, dimmed lights, insense burning, the works. She was dressed to the bomb, with a nice mini skirt (the heating in her house was turned to the max), black V that shows her beautiful back, nice juicy glossy lips. She looked better than the food that she "cooked".

"It has been a great two years" She said looking longingly into my eyes. "You have been really good to me, but I haven't always treated you like you deserved to be treated, so tonight I want to make it up to you."

I smiled. If only she found this blog.

Dinner was actually nice. She went to great effort - to an extent that I actually felt guilty.

"I got you something, something you have always wanted" she said in her so cute voice "but I won't give it to you until after dinner". I think she expects me to bug her about it, begging for her to give it to me early. But I was busily thinking how I could have forgotten our two years anniversary and how I could get out looking like I have not forgotten and have planned something special.

Being trained to think of bullshit to say quickly in my line of work, I gave Christina "option A or option B". Naturally she asked what was A and what was B. I refused to tell her, telling her she will find out in a week's time when the option will reveal itself. Phew bought myself a week :-)

She chose A, reluctantly and pressed about what she chose. I remained closed-lipped.

Christina loves being in the dark. I think all girls love mysteries and the possibilities that mysteries bring.

So with all her pent up excitment she couldn't wait to give me my gift. It was the massage chair that I have dreamt about for so long.

It was a lovely gesture. Something that I didn't expect from her. For some reason I felt all those feelings that I felt for her when I first went out with her. All of a sudden she meant the world to me and all our happy times came rushing back. I guess that's how chicks feel with guys give them flowers.

So I have been sitting in my massage chair, in heaven thinking about how I could get Christina kissing strippers. What a gift.

Kissing

2005-06-11T19:18:00.000-07:00

A kiss is an upstairs persuasion to a downstairs invasion.

Everything starts with a kiss. Without kissing, no one would get any action.

With that in mind, the next logical step is to get Christina making out with another (preferably) hot chick. A couple of ways to do this:

1. get her massively drunk, get her on the dance floor with a willing, ready and able chick and just let nature work its magic. However this option leaves too much to chance. There are too many variables in this option - a willing ready and able chick, Christina dancing with her, the chick being into Christina, Christina being into her and them actually kissing;

2. get her attracted to one of her really hot friends. This would be perfect - who in their right mind would actually object to having two hot chicks serving every one of your sexual whim? However, the con to this option is that it leaves Christina exposed. Friends do weird things if the friendship is tainted by a sexual element. Jealousy, rivalry and general stupid behaviour ensures. No need for that risk - plenty of hot chicks out there;

3. strip clubs, lap dance and then make out. This is the most viable option because the other chick will be a "professional" ensuring that Christina has a positive (and memorable) experience which means she will be more inclined to do it again. Furthermore because it was paid, it "doesn't count" which means that she cannot blame herself for being slutty. Perfect.

I am excited!

Everything starts with a kiss. Without kissing, no one would get any action. I am about to get lots and lots of action, and it all will start with a kiss.

Kristy

2005-06-09T22:55:00.000-07:00

I just realised I haven't talked about Kristy for a while.

I assure you she is still very "in the picture". She still emails me at work and sends me suggestive emails.

I have just been so busy these couple of weeks that I don't even have time to myself. Luckily the long weekend is coming up in a couple of days.

So, Christina on Friday night and Kristy on Saturday night. Hopefully 3-some on Sunday night!

Haha, I doubt it.

Kristy is a cool chick. I really like her. Is it possible to have feelings for two girls at the same time? I mean there will be times when I think about Christina and all her little habits and hear her personal phases and how much she has tamed me. But then there are times when I would think about Kristy - the way she moans in bed, how she tosses her hair when she takes off her bra and the devillish smile she puts on just before she gets a good fucking ...

I am not the relationship type of guy. I don't think I ever was. Every time I had a girlfriend I would still be looking at other girls, flirting with them and fantasing sleeping with them. To me, girls are like money, you can always have more. But when I found Christina, I was happy for a while. For about 12 months I did not notice another girl. I did not flirt with girls. I was even REJECTING their advances!

I am a caged animal like seeing those zoo lions with their sad stare and longing for the wild plains of Africa that is me in a relationship. On the one hand I am happy that I am being spoon fed by Christina but yet it seems I am held back at the same time.

That was before my little fling with Kristy. There is spring back in my step. There is hope. There is pleasure in my life even though 70 per cent of my life is taken up with useless, stressful and boring work. Despite all the crap my boss throws at me, I can still manage a smile. I bet he thinks I am crazy.

I am test driving cars again on Sunday, the lion in me wants to take Kristy. I long to hold her hand, feel her skin against mine as we walk hand in hand to battle those slimy car salesmen, I want to smell her perfume and see her smile. I want to treat her well and hug her because I feel guilty that we have never gone on a "date".

Yet I feel I should be taking Christina. Afterall she has fed me well despite being caged up. She has and is keeping me alive. I can't just abandon her.

The optimist in me will see Christina and Kirsty together in my life as the perfect solution to my current conflict. But as we all know this perfect fantasy is not likely.

Fuck, I haven't talked about Kristy in a while but it doesn't mean I won't talk about her again.

Depressed

2005-06-08T22:44:00.000-07:00

Sorry Father for I have sinned. It has been 9 days since I have updated my blog.

As Pixie said, I have been test driving cars on the weekend. I have heard that Rover is in receivership, which is a pity because the Rover 75 was HIGH on my list.

The reason why I am depressed is because I have just heard my friend has retired. Retired at the ripe old age of 29.

Fuck. When I was going through high school, everyone was raving about how lawyers and doctors make loads of money. If I find one of these fuckers now, I would run them down in my Rover. Liars!!

Choices

2005-05-31T10:16:00.000-07:00

Times have been good. It is time to upgrade the shagging wagon.

At the moment I am driving a boring, but reliable car and I have been looking to upgrade it eversince 18 months ago. The ONLY reason why I haven't gone for the upgrade is because there are SO many choices out there.

I am looking at spending anywhere from $30,000 to $60,000 on my car. I figured that if I am hand cuffed to a massive law firm, I might as well enjoy life (in the rare event that I am not working my ass off).

In my brand new (could be second hand) shagging wagon, I will need:

1. satellite navigation - there is NO WAY I am stuck in a luxury car on the side of the road reading a road map. Plus Christina is the world dumbest map reader;

2. sun roof - I have debated whether to go for a second hand convertible, but anything worth getting would be around 5 years old and that's when they start to become trouble. Also, I doubt I will have the roof off for more than 2 hours in the year, so I figured that a sun roof is a good compromise. Also a convertible means I will have to listen to Christina bitch about messy hair. I guess a good thing with convertibles is that the wind noise will probably drown out most of her bitching :-)

3. leather seats - they turn me on.

So I am looking at the Audi A4, Rover 75, BMW 3 series, Peugeot 307CC and the 407. I could even go for the BMW coupe, Alfa GT and the SAAB convertible. At the moment I am leaning towards the Rover.

I might have to start test driving soon. Anyone has any complaints about any of the cars above, please leave a comment.

It is OFFICIAL

2005-05-30T16:19:00.000-07:00

My girlfriend is BISEXUAL!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

That was the exciting news from the weekend. Too bad this dickhead client took the excitment away this morning. From working in the industry it is very obvious that a lot of company directors (ie: your bosses) are very incompetent and stupid people. The sooner I can leave the law behind the better - that's why the google ad words are on this site - so I can make millions :-)

So anyway, Christina and I went to one of her friend's birthday party on Saturday night. Beautiful people everywhere at this joint. A lot of Christina's friends are model wannabes. They aspire to be models but in the meantime, before they make THAT break, they are doing model related things like promotions. When they get desperate for money because they spend all their disposal income on shit like clothes, drugs etc, they come to me to get them into the strip clubs. I hate it when they come to me to hook them up to strip clubs because that usually becomes the start to the end of them. I only do that rarely, and solely to the ones that I hate.

So we were at this "exclusive" club - which means we were at some place with a rope outside their door where people lined up outside freezing their nuts off, hoping to get in because being let in this loud smokey overpriced place meant that in their fucked up brains that they are somehow part of cool society.

We waltz straight in to the dismay of those lined up outside, so I guess that means we are "cooler" than normal society :-)

Once we were in, the screaming starts.

OHHHH CHRISTINAAAAAAAAA!!! Hooow aareeee youuuuu?!?!?!

Why do girls scream when they see each other? It's not like your long lost sister whom you hvae just discovered was alive - you spoke with Christina TWO hours ago asking what she was wearing and had a long bitch about the birthday girl.

You look lovely (ie: Thanks for not looking better than me)

I love that dress (ie: You look like a slut in it, which makes me look good standing next to you)

Oh my god! You made it!!! (No shit. When I say I will come, I mean it unlike most of you where "I am coming" means "I might come depends on how I am feeling when I leave the door, what cooler event I might get invited to in the mean time, or what I have forgotten I promised to do that night. When I do come, I might be 5 hours late, drunk or drugged up or only stay for 2 minutes to scope out if there are any important people in your group".)

Whilst Christina was going through the ritual above, I was checking out her friends. A lot of them were hot. I have come to the realisation that Christina was the "ugliest" amongst them. Not to say that she is not hot, but just the least hottest in her social circle. Just like a mid range Mercedes CLK convertible would look "dull" amongst a group of Ferraris and Porsches and Maseratis, Christina would turn heads when she is by herself, but just an "average" hot girl amongst this group.

The rest of the night, I spent talking shit to the boyfriends and the satellites (ie: guys that think they will eventually fuck these hot girls, but have no chance even to ever see these girls naked except on the internet or the strip clubs that I send them to).

Towards the end of the night, I noticed Christina dancing sexily with another friend of hers. Sometimes they do this because they want to get the attention of some guy. But that usually backfires - like using a nuclear bomb to start a camp fire, you usually get the entire attention of the club EXCEPT the attention of the person you really wanted.

Around 3am, Christina had had enough and wanted to go. On the way home, I asked if she had a good night. She did.

You seemed to have fun dancing with Pru

Yeah, Pru is cool

Do you find Pru attractive

Yeah! Totally! She is HOT

... (chit chat bitching about the night leading to the million dollar question)

SO DO YOU ACTUALLY LIKE GIRLS?

Yes

I MEAN LIKE AS IN WANT TO FUCK???

Oh definitely. Not that I don't want you baby, but sometimes a girl needs a woman's touch

That night we had another session of kinky sex but I was too pre-occupied with how to get her into a threesome to really enjoy it.

So the real planning begins. Only if I could get rid of this dickhead client...

Passwords

2005-05-30T09:00:00.000-07:00

Your password must be 8 characters long, contain at lease one captial letter and at least one number.

I am sure no one is that desperate to break into my work computer. Seriously, I am not doing any ground breaking, controversial work. NO ONE CARES!!!!! Monday morning is too early to expect someone, who had a massive weekend to come up with a new password that has at least 8 letters, one number and a capital letter.

In protest, I have set my password to GOFUCKYOURSELF1000TIMES. Now I must let my secretary know my new password ...

Exciting stuff happened on the weekend, can't wait to tell you all about it. I will write more once I have dealt with this dickhead of a client.

Insults

2005-05-25T18:31:00.000-07:00

Wednesday. Hump day. Middle of the working week. Tomorrow begins the landslide into the weekend, which means I could progress my "evil" plan to convert Christina.

Feedbacks tell me I should join Christina and Kristy in my sexual trinity. I think I have already expressed my intentions to do so. However, the issue of Christina finding out about my "cheating" and Kristy finding out that I have a girlfriend has raised its ugly head. This I must think of a solution - within the next two days if things are to progress this weekend. The shit thing is work is starting to pick up again, so no more surfing the net at work for Michael.

The traffic on this blog is picking up and I have noticed I am getting all these insults in my comments section.

I don't get why people insult me in my comment section. A "Comment" is an explanation, illustration, or criticism of a passage in a book or other writing and an "insult" is a rude expression intended to offend or hurt. So as you can see, insults by strict definitions are NOT comments.

I don't mind getting insults, they are fun to read but please make them more than THREE WORDS. I don't want to read that I am a jerk, jackass, stupid idiot or whatever - that's primary school stuff. Comeon, you are all writers, use your BRAINS, I am sure you can come up with more than THREE WORDS to express how much you hate me.

I am a LAWYER with THICK SKIN, so calling me a jerk, jackass or whatever is like yelling profanities at the TV when a player from your favourite sporting team makes a mistake - I will not be phased.

Should you have any inclination to hurl profanities at me, PLEASE do so with WIT. As least use your time in a charitable fashion by making someone laugh with your clever and original insult.

In fact, I will issue an open challenge all the haters to express your hateful thoughts in MORE THAN THREE LINES, using more than FOUR (4) ADJECTIVES.

I should get my friends to paste a link of this blog to all those feminism sites. That could prove to be entertaining ...

Complication

2005-05-23T21:56:00.000-07:00

Shit.

Breaking up over dinner is never a good idea. Luckily it was done in the privacy of my own apartment. So much for trying to be nice and gentlemanly. Next time I need to break up with someone, it will be an SMS.

My theory is that the nicer you are in breaking up, the harder it is for the other person. This is because there is closure, the relationship is complete and you are obligated to be friends. But boys and girls can never be friends because of the whole dick and pussy thing. And once you have crossed that line, you can never go back.

However if you are an asshole about the whole breaking up thing, she has a REASON to be angry. As anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering, pain results. Pain is GOOD in breakups because then you don't get the tears, the midnight phone calls, the drunken phone calls, the jealousy, the stalking and the awkwardness. I rather have someone hating my guts then to try and be nice but end up being one hundred times worse like a loose tooth that you are too chicken shit to pull out.

Anyway, Kristy came over expecting to get a good fucking. Sporting black jumper and white pants (God I love white pants) she was dolled up to the max (but trying not to look like she made effort - very hard to do for a girl) she looked as good as the food I have cooked for her. This time around, she actually took interest in my paintings and photos and things around my house asking me all sorts of question like a 5 year old.

"This is BEAUTIFUL, you are a really good cook. And sexy when you were doing it too!" she said after dinner as she grabbed my hand and lead me to the couch.

I was at the fork in the road.

"Kristy"

She turned and smiled. Black hair and light eyes Kristy has. I noticed her eyes not as stunning as Christina's, but Kristy had a face that begs to be kissed. Like a small little kitten that you just have to go "awww" and pat it, I gave Kristy a light peck on the cheek. That was the start of my journey to the dark side.

Compliments + white pants + black hair + light eyes = lust for Michael x 10000

Another dirty, no-holds barred sex session followed. Lucky the walls in my apartment are pretty solid because otherwise the neighbours would have called the police suspecting a murder at my apartment.

Christina did not entered my mind ONCE during my time with Kristy. I felt bad that I didn't think of the girl I love dearly, but kind of good as I had Kristy laying exhausted in my bed. Could it be possible that I have developed feelings for Kristy? Afterall, she was the savour of my embargo.

As this cute little kitten was lying in my bed, I realised that the only thing I can do is to get Kristy and Christina together. I am determined to have my cake and eat it too. Threesome with Kristy and Christina I must have.

Readers have commented that I should just talk to Christina. I think we are running too close to danger by doing this, so I will talk to Kristy about threesomes, get her interested and excited and then convert Christina. What do you guys think?

Breaking up during dinner time might not be a good idea, but good ideas sometimes come out during dinner time.

2005-05-20T23:09:00.000-07:00

Hello.

Haven't posted for a while. I have been busy trying to get my Idol friend connected with my friends at the entertainment industry. Too bad a lot of my contacts are in the adult "entertainment" industry.

Saw Star Wars last night with Christina. Awesome film. Even the chick loved it. Too bad Natalie Portman looked like SHIT in the movie, otherwise I would have attempted to prompt Christina to imagine a threesome with Natalie.

Around the corner from my house, there is this corner shop. The owner of the corner shop is very funny - one day he would be like the soup Nazi from Seinfield, saying you can't buy this or that and be an absolute asshole to you. However, the next day he would be all nice to you and ask you about your job. Looking back I think he is only an asshole to me when I look like shit. We shall test this new theory.

Anyway, we went to our bi-polar shopkeeper before we went to Star Wars because we all know the cinemas rob you blind with the prices they charge for snacks. Being a tightass person trying to become rich, I need to save as much money as possible. So we were in this shop picking out what we were going to stuff ourselves with, and Mr bi-polar walks up and whispers to me that he thinks Christina is a very pretty girl. Christina laps up the comment.

BUT after Christina walked away staring at snacks, Mr bi-polar proceeds to imply to me that I shouldn't buy these snacks as he seems to think that Christina is getting fat, and should impose a food rationing program before it is too late.

What a bastard! Seriously there is absolutely NO NEED for him to tell me what to feed my girlfriend. Who does he think I am? Stupid???

Of course I have THOUGHT of the consequences of over indulgance on snacks. Weight management of your girlfriend is CRUCIAL in a relationship. Any guy who goes out with a thin girl but ends up marrying the same FAT version of that girl has no one to blame but themselves. It is like disciplining a child, it is YOUR responsibility and no one elses. You get what you dish out.

With my rant over, I have decided that I am going to cut it off with Kristy, despite comments suggesting that I should test her bi-sexuality and getting her to be my talent scout. I have a feeling that Kristy is like the bi-polar shopkeeper.

So I have arranged dinner with Kristy for tomorrow night, and formally break things off.

May the force be with me.

2005-05-17T21:02:00.000-07:00

STOP FUCKING TEXTING ME.

Whoever gave the impression that guys are the stalkers. The popular betrayal in the media has always been the guys who are obsessed. Journalists who are disposition to bash the male species have always warned girls not to give out numbers to guys who will always call them twenty times a day.

I have never heard of any guy who obsessively call a girl. In fact, it is most likely the other way around. Most of the guys I know have had lots of texts, emails, phone calls from girls whom they have just met.

Kristy has sent me over 20 texts since we last hooked up. Although it is great to hear that she thinks I am the greatest, and how we formed a connection, how much fun we had and how hot I am it is annoying. Annoying because out of 4 hours I have spent with her, 50% of the time was not talking. In fact, as we all recall she busted into my apartment and proceed to have her way with me. There was no "hi, how was your day? Oooh you have such a nice apartment. What is that thing you hang on the wall?" She used me - like a hired high performance exotic car. She got the keys and thrashed the shit out of it.

"You are the first person I EVER thought of marrying"

PLUUASEEE - if you have actually listened to what I had to say, instead of oogling on our first outing, you would have known that I am not the marriage type.

"You are so hot, when can I see you again?"

Shallow and selfishly using men for their pleasure, they should be ashamed ofthemselves.

The Anti-Idols

2005-05-15T20:46:00.000-07:00

Australian Idol has lost ALL credibility.

My mate came in the top forty of first and the second Australian Idol and was cut before making to the TV stage. He had a concert last night and Christina and I went along.

Literally blown away by his voice, we enjoyed every minute of his singing. He was passionate and entertaining. You can tell he really enjoys being on the stage. Christina was in tears when he was singing "The Prayer" made famous by Anthony Callea. In my humble opinion, my friend SHITTED ALL OVER the "Italian Stallion" Callea. Anyway, I will see if I could get a copy of his performance, and post it here so you guys can decide for yourselves.

Sensing a massive miscarriage of justice here, I am going to help my friend in anyway I know how to get his music career started. Probably stay away from Sony and all those commercial labels, as he will literally be making ZERO cash if he signed with them.

I mean if William Hung, Robert Mills, Shannon Nolls and Casey Donovan can individually put together some rubbish they call music and make money, I am sure I could help my friend to a share of that pie.

Marriage Chick

2005-05-14T17:55:00.000-07:00

Peppermint Lounge was invaded last night by a bunch of wanna-be celebrities. Apparently it was some chick's birthday and she invited everyone who ever acknowledged her existence. Personally I think she did that to create some sort of notion that she is popular, and to disguise the fact that she had so little close friends due to her bitchiness.

How do I know she was bitchy?

I overheard a conversation where she was bitching about the size of some other chick's fake designer bag. Two second later, she was the faker's best friend, complimenting how nice her bag was. Totally a waste of a conversation. There was no point to it. It would have been much more entertaining (for me, at least) for the birthday chick to tell fake chick that her bag is shit and that she should go home and change.

Anyway, a "fashionably late" arrival was this married couple. Bottled blonde (then again, every chick is pretty much a bottled blonde nowadays, except in Denmark) and her geeky husband. If you saw this couple, the first thought that would have come to your mind was how lucky he was to have a bottled blonde like that. However, after several seconds, you would have realised that she was definitely a gold digger. There is no way you can aruge "true love" between them.

For a better picture of this couple, just think Tom Cruise marrying Roseanne Barr, or Jubba-the-Hut with Natalie Portman.

There was an obvious speed hump in the "happily ever after marriage" because Bottled Blonde was flirting with everything that moved, and consistently rejecting her husband's attempted intimacy.

At one stage, I saw Bottled Blonde and Christina "sharing a moment" when their eyes met. I was so happy. Seeing this, I quickly went into battle mode and started planning how I can exploit this "shared moment". I made some comment about Bottled Blonde and Christina and I started discussing Bottled Blonde and her geeky husband. We shared a laugh at their expense.

Bottled Blonde glanced over and saw us laughing. Christina was embarrassed as we were caught red handed laughing at her.

I went over and soothed the ruffled Bottled Blonde.

To the dancefloor, Christina and I headed. Got her all hotted up in front of Bottle Blonde I did. Before I could figure out a way to get Bottled Blonde to dance with my Christina, Christina went over to the Bottled Blonde and invited her to dance.

I didn't know what to do. Despite the pleasure of seeing my girl running her hands all over another hot chick, I was strangely hurt by how much fun she was having. I both loved and hated Christina in the same moment. Humm ...

Anyway when the song was over, Christina came back to me, dragged me home and gave me the most energetic fuck for a long time. I don't know if it was the four cocktails or the Bottled Blonde.

I was hoping it was the Bottled Blonde - much less expensive.

Cold Feet

2005-05-13T17:50:00.000-07:00

Christina has cold feet.

Winter is fast approaching. Any greeny who insist there is global warming should spend one night buck naked out on the streets. Then we will hear all that you have to say about global warming. If I have it my way, it would be summer everyday. Who wouldn't want it hot? Chicks in bikinis 24-7 - more chance of Christina wanting to turn bi.

Yes, Christina has cold feet, and she uses me as her personal foot heater. Every night she stays over, when we are in bed, she would put her ICY COLD FEET between my legs so her feet could be warmed. CAN I GET AN AMEN FROM ALL THE GUYS WHO EXPERIENCE THE SAME ABUSE????

What is it with chicks and cold feet? All the girls I have hooked up in winter had cold feet? Is it because they are cold blooded animals incapable of warming themselves? Or do they like to torture the ones they love by putting their feet in freezers before coming to bed. Anyone with an explanation???

2005-05-12T08:27:00.000-07:00

"Hey Tiger, thanks for the wild night. You are the best!!"

Although I love getting confirmation about how great I am in bed, they are dangerous since they are coming from Kristy and not Christina.

Mental note: SMS like that must be deleted otherwise I will be in trouble.

2005-05-11T09:55:00.000-07:00

What a ripoff!! A dozen roses for $45. All my desire to please Christina departed from my brain upon learning that a mere bunch of roses will set me back $45 PLUS delivery charge.

It is cheaper if I just bought flowers from a petrol station, or from a supermarket. But it means that I will have to carry them. There are no way I am carrying a bunch of flowers to Christina's house. I will be laughed off the planet. Have you ever noticed those guys carrying flowers on their way home? God they look like losers. Whenever I see one of those guys, all I could think about is that they are gravelling losers on some sort of sexual embargo. The only reason they are succuming to those flower rip off merchants is because they are hoping the flowers will unlock the embargo. There is no way I am at their level.

Since there is no other way of delivering flowers to Christina, and I want to be nice to her for once, reluctantly I ordered flowers from the net. Not because I see this as a way to end my embargo, I got Kristy for that. I want to give Christina flowers becauseI want to see her smile. Her smile warms my heart.

About two hours from the delivery time, I got a text message from Christina saying she got the flowers. Amongst her suspicions about the reason why she got flowers, she was happy. Happy because it is the first time in 12 months that I have sent her a gift that she could show off to her co-workers. It is not that I didn't buy her gifts, it is just that all my gifts to date are inappropriate for public display so until today, she never had a chance to show off.

"Come to my house for dinner"

Recycling the unopened bottle of champaign that Kristy and I never got a chance to drink the other night, I turned up to Christina's apartment expecting to smell burnt food. Christina, despite all her good intentions and misconceptions about her own ability, cannot cook. She doesn't have the patience to wait for the meat to marinade. She is often distracted so that she forgot the vegetables are cooking until it is too late.

I was pleasantly surprised when I walked into her apartment and there was no charcol on the table. Food, glorious deliciously smelling food was on the candlelit table with my $45 roses as the centrepiece.

"Did you cook all this food?" I asked with faked amazement.

"I spent ages. I even took off work early to really concentrate on making good food." She said in her childish voice. Yeah right, more like she took off work early so she could get some good take away food.

Regardless, free food and I am happy.

When it rains, it pours. After the food Christina finally ended the embargo. Whether the embargo was ended because I got her flowers, or that she just couldn't go without anymore I don't know. But I guess at the end of the day, the embargo has ended with the sweet smell of roses in the air.

Obsessed

2005-05-09T22:45:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking more and more about her since Saturday. I don't know what it is that I am feeling. Ever since my slutty days, I have forbid myself from obsessively thinking about one particular girl.

But she is different from all the other girls - definitely the best I have had sex wise despite the variety that I have had.

Besides the physical stuff, she is exactly what I have been longing for - someone that I could just relax with, someone whose company I actually enjoy, someone I feel comfortable to confide to.

The best times I remember us having were not the fancy parties, expensive restaurants or exotic trips. They were the most simple, ordinary moments like having a grease fight whilst changing my flat tire, the flirty SMSes exchanged during work hours or the times when we were cuddling on the couch.

Why is it that only during shitty times do you learn the most?

I love you Christina. I will love you more if you were bi.

2005-05-08T13:41:00.000-07:00

My balls are no longer blue from the lack of sex, they are blue from the vigours of sex. Wearing a very classy black dress, Kristy came over to my house on last night sporting a bottle of champaign. She walked into my apartment with a devilish smile. The smell of Chanel hit my nose as she walked past. Before I could close the door I felt one hand across my waist as she pulled me in for a very long kiss.

It took quite a bit of stumbling from the door to the couch as our lips never parted. By the time we reached the couch, I was already semi-naked. I guess she had a way with clothes. Most of the formalities on first time fucks were skipped and we were going at it within 30 seconds of her entering my apartment. There was no admiration of the view, no curious questions about the decorations or any compliments on my apartment.

She was good, but not as good as Christina. Believe it or not, I was thinking mostly of Christina during my time with Kristy. Comparing their styles, mannerisms and language during their times of estacy I noticed that Kristy was not as liberated as Christina. Kristy was more self-conscious.

She stayed for only about two hours siting some lame excuse about preparing forMother's Day (I hope it is not her own mother's day).

I was quite upset. I went into considerable efforts to cook her a nice meal.

What's the status of our relationship??

2005-05-04T09:38:00.000-07:00

There was no need to send an email like that. Absolutely no right at all. Some people have a real warped sense of entitlement.

I got the following from a uni friend who I haven't seen for a while. We used to be quite good friends ...

It was good seeing you the other day, and I am quite surprised that you are back so soon.

Angela and I are getting married in August. We have been trying to find ourselves a place to live and that's a hell of a lot of work. Angela is doing fine, and has decided to follow our footsteps and enrolled herself in law school. I am doing fine. My job is still very cruisy, and the company is treating me well. As you know I have left the band, but I have kept in touch with the guys. They are doing fine.

As you know, we haven't been the best of friends eversince graduation. I feel that we have been fake to one another and I don't know if I could go on being superficial. We have grown apart, whether it was my fault or yours or a combination, I don't know. You and I had our fair share of fights over emails and I don't know whether they have been resolved or whether there is still a grudge. I just don't know where we stand with each other or how we should behave towards one and other.

I fretted over writing this email to you to reinitiate contact with you. I talked with Angela as to whether we should continue our friendship with you. I have to be honest I am not sorry that we have not kept in touch.

Seriously what the FUCK is that? Last time I checked, I don't live in Orange County.

Since when did men became whiny bitches? Emails like that should only come from girls that complain you don't call them after sleeping with them. Any hetero man writing this should be shot. I think there are too many pussy men out there nowadays. Men don't talk about feelings, they conquer the world, they build businesses.

Where do we stand with each other? I called to hang out a couple of times, but my calls were never answered. The only communcation I get over the past 3 years is from your band's distribution list "inviting" me to your next gig. So, I get to see you only when I have to PAY at least $20 entry fee to see your band play. Even then, I could count on one hand the amount of words you say to me.

I can think of better ways to spend $20 than to sit in a dirty run down pub listening to music about some softcock being tooled by some girl he can never have.

So I guess we stand in a contractual relationship - where I provide monetary consideration in return for you to provide entertainment services. However, for $20 I can get a pretty decent CD with music that I actually enjoy and not put me in some sort of depressive coma on a Friday or Saturday night.

I, therefore hereby terminate our contractual relationship.

Time for Reflection

2005-05-02T18:19:00.000-07:00

Kristy has awaken my slutty instincts.

I used to be a "slut" as defined by Christina. There was a period in my life about 2 years where I used to go out and just pick up chicks. That lasted for a year.

Those times were good. Every Thursday, Friday and Saturday night, I would transform myself from an average jaded lawyer to a full fledged slut. The ritual would involve sleeping most of the afternoon, listening to pumped up music, taking long showers and slapping on the good old colonge. During the time in the shower, there would be this sense of excitment. Excitment as I would not know what to expect for the night, not knowing who I would meet and how the night will turn out. During my slut years I have been with a couple of minor celebrities and the bragging rights I obtained as a result of being seen out "dating" with these girls were huge.

I am a thinker and a strategic planner and that's probably why I really enjoy the chasing girls. I especially enjoy slowly "fighting" my way into their hearts and minds - turning from just a stranger to being the man of their dreams. The challenge of overcoming whatever obstacles they decide to throw at me sometimes keep me up at night.

Oh those were the days ...

Now I have Kristy wanting and I am quite confident that with my year of slutting, I could fuck her when she comes over for dinner.

Moral dilemma - should I do it? Or should I just give in to Christina's sexual embargo?? Comments welcome.

2005-05-01T22:37:00.000-07:00

I am back!!!!!!! And relieved that after 18 months out of the game, I have not lost my magic touch.

Three nights ago, I reluctantly went out and fish for girls. The first few girls I was rusty and thus crashed and burned. No matter, because there was plenty of fish in the sea.

After getting myself into the grove, I sighted a fine, fine lady with her beautiful friend. Obviously out for a night of unpredictable fun. I went over. I talked, I listened and I charmed. 30 minutes later, they were putty in my hands and a phone number exchange was executed. Filling like an invincible top gun pilot, I subsequently systemically scored a few more numbers and went home very content. I slep like a baby.

The next day I called all my numbers. Three out of five have agreed to further meetings. 60% is a very respectable rate for anyone, let alone someone who has been out of the game for 12 months.

I just came back from the first of such a "date". Her name was Kristy. 21. Marketing student in her final year of study. I would give her a 7 out of 10 for looks and a 6 out of 10 for brains. Too much of an idealist wanting to improve the world and all that. Wait until she gets out of the bubble wrap university, and she will know what it is all about. Not as smart as I like, but hey if this goes anywhere, it will only be a short term thing. As much as I hate Christina right now, I still love her very much.This whole thing is her fault - if she has not came down with a sexual embargo,we would be making passionate love right now.

Kristy and I went out for drinks at Cruise Bar. Then over to Opera Bar for a few more as we were getting on really well. Then off to some small intimate place for a nice feed. Fun was had by all. And as a result Kristy is coming over to sample my infamous lamb chops for dinner this friday night.

All the pieces are set for the END GAME. hehehe ...

All you can eat

2005-04-23T22:21:00.000-07:00

All you can eat.

$33 for all you can eat.

Whenever you want to see human behaviour at its worse, go to an all-you-can-eat place. Food and money, that will bring the worst out of people.

I went to the Casino all you can eat. Stupidly I took the recommendations of one of my colleagues and went to that dreaded place. Fat people everywhere waddling from one stall of food to the next, pushing people out of the way. Little kids running around screaming. Chicks dressed up like they are going to their own wedding with their noses up in the air – little do they know that they have absolutely no class as they are at an all you can eat place.

Seated next to a dozen Jubba-the-Huts, we had the worst table ever, the equivalent of being placed in Siberia when you told the cab driver that you wanted to go to Tasmania (not that you actually would go to a hole like Tasmania). For the next hour, we were subjected to our neighbours stuffing their faces with any food they got their hands on. No wonder they were fat.

I think with all you can eat places, people should pay according to how much they weight. We live in a world where everyone strives for fairness and equality. Why should that be limited only to race and sex? Why doesn’t fairness and equality extend to weight?

Regardless, for some sick reason, I had a lot of fun at the Casino all you can eat. I can’t pinpoint the exact reason why watching fat chicks stuff themselves is entertaining. Maybe it is the same reason why people listening to William Hung and buy his albums – I don’t know…

All you can eat. Not quite.

More like all you can eat plus a freak show for $33.

Striking Out

2005-04-19T17:18:00.000-07:00

Fuck. Easter. No honeys are out.

Christina is being a bitch. She rather make herself suffer than to give in.

Getting rather sick of being around her teasing me trying to get me to give in. This is not funny anymore...

2005-04-17T17:16:00.000-07:00

OK, the deadline passed last night without Christina has not lifted her embargo.

This week, it will be a full assault of the club district around my area. It is with great regret that I have to get fully dressed up and spay on my perfume toget what I am entitled.

But I have to do what's best for me.

Blue Balls Continue

2005-04-15T16:49:00.000-07:00

Seriously it is pathetic. I could not believe the extent people go through to kiss hot girls' butts. I was on the bus this morning. Packed as mainly because I think there are lots of people hung over from Thursday night drinks. Anyway this guy sitting next to me decides to give his seat up for a hot girl. There was nothing wrong with her. She was not disabled, retarded or pregnant. Just a normal, hot girl who, by the way, will be an awesome sex toy for Christina and myself ... only if I could convert Christina.

I still have blue balls. Tried to get some play from Christina last night, but she is enforcing the sexual embargo. This has gone beyond whether I give into her (unreasonable) demands and tell her that I am trying to convert her. This is now all about principles. It is about willpower and demonstrating that she cannot manipulate me into what she wants me to do by withholding. If I give in now, it will be like yielding to randsom demands from kipnappers, and it is a policy of this government not to negotiate with terriorists.

Lots of men have fallen to victims of this sick manipulation by women. Look at www.nomarriage.com.

Marriage, when you remove all emotions and fairy tale crap is a contract. In the olden days, it stipulates that a man will look after the woman (and her offsprings) in return for the man getting sex. Now, such a marriage contract allows a woman to demonstrate her desirability and removes her self doubt that she cannot keep a man, whilst in return for this privilege, the man will allow to have a constant supply of pussy instead of going out periodically to seek out his supply of pussy.

Now it has come to my attention that some women are not holding up their end of the bargain. I have a friend who married his high school sweetheart. Very nice, very Snow White stuff. I was at their wedding and almost cried when the groom spoke. Several years later the groom and I caught up for a few drinks and he confessed that he has not been getting the sex that he expected from marriage. At first I thought nothing of it, as in a majority of the cases, reality often does not match the high sex expectations of marriage. But I literally fell off the chair when I was told by this poor bastard that he only gets "lucky" ONCE AYEAR ON HIS BIRTHDAY. That, ladies and gentlemen is an absolutely DISGRACE.

Writing this makes me angry. Angry for my dear mate and angry at Christina. Her sexual embargo is cruel and inhumane punishment which is in clear violation of article 5 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

If the embargo is notlifted by 11pm tomorrow at the LATEST, I will be forced break this embargo bypicking up girl or girls.

On a brighter note, last night I was having coffee with Christina and we were flicking through Cleo. I offhandedly mentioned that one of the dresses in their billion pages of ads was very sexy, and that she should get one. She said that the dress is nice but it only works for the model and not for her. I asked what she means, and she told me that the model we were looking at was very sexy and there was no way she was that sexy and thus cannot pull offthat dress.

I probed futher about the model's sexiness, and I got in no clearer terms that Christina finds that model very sexy and would, if in the right moment not hesitate to sleep with her.

I was so happy I almost wet my pants. For a moment blue balls were forgotten.

Converting Christina is BACK on TRACK.

Sexual Embargo

2005-04-10T16:22:00.000-07:00

Took Christina out for a low pressure test drive last night. Back to the drawing board we go.

I was doing some research on human values and sh!t like that this week . I stumbled upon this book called "Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday. You think I am fucked up. Jeez. Grab yourself a copy and you will never look at a chick the same way. It is like you are Neo in the Matrix and Morpheus gives you the red pill.

Basically this "Nancy Friday" has done a survey on female sexual fantasies. She read all those fantasies and documented them - in categories. What a job. Why didn't I think of something like that - beats looking at contracts all day. I thought it was some sick perverted men that originally came up with bestiality...

So after some thought provoking reading of the Secret Garden, I "accidently" left the book on the coffee table. Christina came over one day and I subtly left the room with clear instructions for her NOT to read the book on the coffee table because it is just a book full of gossip and bitchy stories. Being a chick irresistable to gossip, she HAD to pick it up and read it whilst I was gone.

I was in the next room. I could hear pages turning. Nice ...

AH HA I yelled, jumping out into the door way. Christina freaked. I CAUGHT YOU, YOU SNEAKY LITTLE GIRL!!!! YOU WERE READING MY BOOK. She was trying to get rid of the evidence, like a 5 year old trying to wipe away cookie crumbs after stealing cookie from the cookie jar.

"No I wasn't" she denied.

Seriously, why people deny things when they are caught red-handed is beyond me. I think it is better just to admit it and just give them a big SO THE FUCK WHAT.

I moved up next to Christina. I put my arm around her and asked her in my most sexy voice - so baby, what do you think about when you masturbate?

She looked at me. Disgusted. AS IF I WOULD TELL YOU, YOU PERVERTED PRICK! Ouch that hurt.

Come on, tell me I pleaded. My whole plan evolved on this.

I guess she sensed there was something behind my "innocent question" and everything was laid out a bit too convenient.

Why don't you tell me? She retorted. I was stunned. FUCK!!! What was I to say??? I was not prepared for this. Can't tell her I fantaise about her and that blondie at the party, she would piece it all together. She is switched on. Then everything would fall apart - no more threesomes, no more advance in human relationships. I just can't tell her.

She knew she was on the trail to something because of my hesitation. Like a shark chasing the smell of blood, she repeated the question. I stood my ground.

The tension is building. A mexican standoff. The question was repeated - again and again, each time with a more serious tone.

I stayed silent.

She stood up staring at me with those accusing eyes. No sex for you until you tell me.

Why is it that all of a sudden, my fantasies are important to her? So importantthat she can't have sex with me until she finds out. That's just bullshit - a sexual embargo!! On me??? Just because I won't tell her what I think about???

Fuck. Surely there is a law against such inhuman embargo. Where is the UNCHR when you need them?

This pet project is looking like it will take longer than 6 months. No time to think on Converting Christina now. Not when you have massive blue balls.

I feel like running a charity campaign like they do at World Vision every now and then. For just $2 a week, Michael can have fresh pussy every week ... Maybe I should set up something similar to the food for oil program.

Karma

2005-04-08T16:13:00.000-07:00

Some people deserve what they get. Seriously have we degraded as a society for people NOT to be nice to your neighbours?

We chat with strangers from half the world away on the internet, and yet we ignore the people who live next to us. We talk to strangers when we are travelling, strike up conversations with people on the plane etc. We donate millions to charity to help people we don’t even know existed. And yet, we don't want to get to know someone who lives next to us. How fucked up are we???

In fact, I think I should set up a fund or something in relation to converting Christina. A charitable cause that will spread happiness to men in the world everywhere. As a result of my research, threesomes will be readily available to everyone. That will be the brave new world. So open your pockets and spread the love ...

Anyway back to my neighbour, I was getting takeaway food because I was too lazyassed to cook. So I am waiting at the bottom of the lift and this chick came up. I smiled at her, and she looked away.

The lift arrived and we both got in. I pressed level 11 and she pressed 20. I turned to her and asked if she had a nice day. Not only did she ignore my genuine attempt of being a decent human being, but she gave me the DIRTIEST STARE like I just told her that I had a mind blowing threesome with both her mother and daughter.

What is with people? We can’t say hello to strangers anymore?

I blame salespeople, especially those ones that approach you on the street when you are running late for a meeting. They fucked the world up for everybody.

When the lift doors open to level 11, I got out. But before I left, I wanted to tell her off. I wanted to express how disappointed I was at how degraded society has become because of the type of behaviour she has just displayed. But there were no words that could justify the situation, I just couldn’t express my disgust before the lift door close on me like I am some kind of idiot.

Sometimes action speaks louder than words. So instead of wasting my breath on speaking words, I swallowed my words and let that breath out of my ASS. It was loud. It was smelly and it was GOOD. So good that I immediately checked my undies once I got home.

She deserved it. All 9 floors of methane gas she had to endure to her level. I hope I have turned her off having dinner.

I felt better because I am sure I have made the world a better place. Next time she had to take the lift with another person in the same building, I am sure she will be nice.

2005-04-06T16:03:00.000-07:00

I have been doing one hell of a lot of thinking about this.

Ok, the goal of I am trying to achieve here is Converting Christina. Take a regular, normal professional girl who is just living her life in a normal environment (as defined by Dawson's Creek, Neighbours and Home and Away etc) and gettingher to come out to pick up girls with me.

My Christina. Executive Summary - I met her at a bar. Did the usual thing -drinks, shopping, cooking at my house, scary video then sex. God, that was about a year ago now. She is very pretty and not self conscious about her body (which is very rare for someone that pretty). 25. Very fiesty. She loves to challenge and that's what I really love about her.

I remember once early in ourrelationship we were at a bar and I went to the bar for drinks. This guy came and start hitting on her (she gets hit on about 3 - 4 times a day). This guy was being the whole sleazy thing and wouldn't leave her alone. (I was watching from the bar). She told him politely to go once. He ignored it. Twice. He ignored it and went to touch her.

Then you see this guy's face all of a sudden turned from sporting a sleazy smile to screwed up with eyes popping out and cheeks blown up. Quite funny actually. Christina stands up grabbing the guy's nuts and slowly lifting her hand "When I tell you to fuckoff, you fuck off - get it?"

Glad I was much smoother than that poor bastard.

I have to do this gradually. I can't just burst in one day after work and go"Hey honey, lets go to the Establishment and pick up some chicks to take to bed with us". If I did that, I think I would be the next Bobbet with my nuts shoved deep down into my throat.

No. Gradually. Like boiling a frog. You can't put a frog in boiling water - it will jump out. You put the frog in normal water, then slowing increasing the heat. Because there are no sudden increase in water temperature, it will not jump out. It will allow itself to be boiled alive.

First step is to make sure what I saw at that party was correct, that she is into the whole thing. Then it is a matter of getting her comfortable, and letting her know (subtly) that I am into it too. After that I will introduce her to the fun and thrill of picking up. She will be hooked after that and we will be in business...

Is it just me? Or do other guys out there share a dream of being able to have a girlfriend to go out and pick up other chicks - a girlfriend that will be there to enjoy the thrills and spills of getting a girl into bed? And you can share the experience of having awesome sex with this new person. I don't think it is just me. Maybe I should sort this out - like embarking on some psychological research - breaking some unspoken barrier of human relationships. Some people say it can never happen, but I don't believe that. People say you cannot fly, the Wright Brothers prove them wrong and thousands of people fly everyday now. Some people say you can't run a mile in 4 minutes, but Bannister did it and now even 14 year olds kids can do it. I will prove them wrong - watch this space, it will happen ...

Converting Christina - The Beginning

2005-04-03T15:33:00.000-07:00

I think I am on a winner here. She was definitely checking her out. Not just giving her the once over. Not like she has just entered the room and was looking for fashion flaws, but fully checked her out - like a drooling lonely guy who hasn't been laid for a year.

Last night my girlfriend and I went to one of those high society parties where everyone there thinks they are god. It seems that they only invite people who are working on the most important deals or that the survival of their company depends solely on their performance. I am sure everyone of them (myself included) is replaceable.

Besides the people, the party was good. Lots of hot chicks and good food . I guess the price you pay for a perv and a feed is having to socialise with wankers. I was talking to this M&A lawyer who thinks he is smarter than Eistein declaring how us lawyers are the cream of society and that the success of every commercial venture is proportionate to how good the legal team is. Not even disguising his blantant perv on my girlfriend, he goes on to say how he is moving his way to the top because of his awesome talent and chicks are throwing themselves at his feet. Yeah right. That's why he was talking to us.

Whilst this guy was feeding his own ego, I noticed my girlfriend had her mind on something else. I looked in her general direction to see which handsome guy(s) she would be fantasing about. But I couldn't find any. What I did saw was absolutely stunning. Sporting an orangy, free flowing dress was this small petite woman. She had a (obviously fake) tan, brownish blonde hair on top of her innocent face supported by a fantastically toned but small body. She is the girl equivalent to a Ferrari - the car that guys love to drive, but cannot afford or find it too attractive to have around.

What was intriguing about her was her eyes - they were so light, making her give cold stares where ever she looked. If there were more of her type around, men will never go to war. Men would never leave the house or brag about how they are smarter than Eistein. They would just drool over her. I looked at my girlfriend and smiled. She knew she was caught looking at this goddess. Slightly embarrassed at being caught, all she could managed was a confronting "what are you looking at?!?". Lucky she couldn't read my mind. Lucky how she couldn't see how I was hatching a plan where I could get this goddess and my girlfriend into a mind blowing 3 some.

That would be the ultimate. that would be the holy grail. That would get Christina hooked onto the notion of being bi. humm ... In fact, that's my pet project from now on. In 6 months, I will turn Christina from a sweet, intelligent yet fiesty accountant into a fully fledged bi. We will go hunting together, which will in turn strengthen our relationship and we will grow old living happily every after ...